The Soup Sandwich Spiral—you know the one. It’s that domino effect of unfortunate events that turns into the frequency of your entire day.
It starts small: you oversleep, stub your toe, spill your coffee, rush out the door only to hit traffic, endure a frustrating meeting, break a glass in the kitchen, and then toss and turn at night—replaying the chaos—only to wake up and do it all over again.
We’ve all been there. A single rough moment morphs into a full-blown bad day, and before we know it, we’re stuck in the Soup Sandwich Spiral (SSS), allowing its downward pull to dictate our energy, mindset, and interactions.
No one is immune.
But some people have the ability to break free—and that’s what we’re here to explore.
The Many Faces of the Soup Sandwich Spiral
This spiral isn’t just about circumstantial mishaps. It seeps into our relationships, perceptions, and expectations. Ever walked into a room already bracing for judgment? Or replayed past interactions, preemptively deciding how someone will criticize you?
Let’s say you’re heading into a holiday weekend with family, and the last time you saw certain relatives, things were… tense. Before you even pack your bag, you’re simmering in defensive frustration, anticipating the passive-aggressive comments about your diet, your career, or your relationship. You’re preemptively stealing your own joy—putting up walls before anyone even has the chance to hurt you.
The worst part? None of it has happened yet. And maybe it won’t. But you’ve already decided to armor up and let the spiral take hold.
If this resonates, you’re not alone. We all do it. The question is: How do we stop?
The 4S Method to Break the Spiral
The Soup Sandwich Spiral has a four-step solution—the 4S Approach:
- See the Story
- Speak It Aloud
- Save Space
- Send True Love & Gratitude
Let’s break it down.
1. See the Story
Every spiral has a narrative.
- Woke up late? You’re lazy.
- Bad meeting? You’re incompetent.
- Tense family dynamic? They think you’re selfish or annoying.
But here’s the thing—these are just stories we tell ourselves, shaped by our fears, past experiences, and assumptions. As Brené Brown says in Rising Strong, the key is to pause and recognize: “The story I’m telling myself is…”
Once you can see the story, you can begin to challenge its validity.
2. Speak It Aloud
A story kept in your mind has power. A story spoken aloud loses its grip.
If you’re in a personal spiral, say the narrative out loud and ask yourself: Would I let someone talk to me this way? Likely not. So why do we allow these internal dialogues to dictate our self-worth?
If the spiral involves others, consider a carefrontation—a term Lisa Nichols uses to describe confronting with care, empathy, and solution-oriented dialogue. Instead of accusations, try:
“The story I’m telling myself is that you see me as selfish because of comments like [X]. Can we talk about it?”
This approach fosters understanding rather than deepening the spiral.
3. Save Space
This step has two parts:
- If the story is false, save space for yourself to heal—to reassure the part of you that learned this lie.
- If the story has truth, save space for growth—acknowledge what needs to change and how to move forward.
This isn’t about blame or shame. It’s about creating a safe space for reflection and resolution.
4. Send True Love & Gratitude
And I mean true gratitude—not just a surface-level, “I guess I’m grateful for this lesson.”
This step requires embodiment. Dig deep. Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong, shift to what’s going right. What can you appreciate in this moment? What opportunities for connection, growth, and healing exist?
True gratitude isn’t just a mental exercise—it’s a shift in your entire energy.
Breaking the Cycle
When we let the Soup Sandwich Spiral control our energy, we rob ourselves of joy, healing, and progress. But by using the 4S Method—Seeing the Story, Speaking It Aloud, Saving Space, and Sending True Gratitude—we can reclaim our peace.
The next time you feel the downward momentum creeping in, pause. Recognize the spiral for what it is—a choice. And then choose differently.
You're doing a great job and your joy is worth it.
❤️Lex
PS - of course, please always be sure to check out the podcast version of this post and our "mighty mini" offerings if you're ready to break the cycle.